27. Wasted Talent
gs: Adam Carolla (Death) Patrick Warburton (Joe) Adam West (Mayor Adam West) Danny Smith (IV) ()

When the local brewery has a contest offering tours of the plant, Peter and his friends go on a drinking binge trying to find the winning beer can. Through a stroke of dumb luck, Peter and Brian actually find one of the winning "scrolls". In a Willy Wonka homage, Peter and Brian start the tour, but are quickly kicked out after breaking the rules.

Meanwhile, Lois's students have a big piano recital/competition coming up - and Lois is praying one of her students wins. She thinks she's got a lock on it when she signs a new student, Ling, a piano prodigy. However, in her enthusiasm, Lois works Ling too hard and she drops out! In an odd twist, Peter - in a drunken stupor over being booted from the contest - sits down at the piano and plays brilliantly! Lois is thrilled and keeps Peter drunk long enough to win the piano recital.

b: 25-Jul-2000 pc: 2ACX15 w: Mike Barker and Matt Weitzman s: Dave Collard and Ken Goin d: Bert Ring

# NOTE: In the scene where Pat is singing, two of the people in the scene look exactly like Charlie and his Grampa Joe from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory The song Peter plays to win the Piano Recital is the theme song from Mary Tyler Moore
# Peter also plays these tunes when he's drunk; Dallas, 9 To 5, The Incredible Hulk closing theme & The X-Files.
# In the past when Family Guy has parodied a song they have done it in such a way that the song is slightly different than the original as to avoid a copyright problem. However, the music for "I've got a Golden Ticket" is the same as it is in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory. The same is true when Pat sings his song, this is a direct parody of 'Pure Imagination'.
# Ratings - 4.2/7
# Adam Carola replaces Norm MacDonald as Death in this and all subsequent epiosdes featuring the character.
# After slamming his foot into the mail box, Peter moans and gasps exactly seven times.
28. Fore, Father
gs: Patrick Warburton (Joe) Nicole Sullivan (bride, Candie and Mary) Phil LaMarr (Gambler Dan and Rupert) Gary Cole (Charles/Dr. McKenzie/Gambler Bob (voice)) Wally Wingert (Buck and Ned)

After a father-son camping trip, Peter realizes how irresponsible Chris is after raccoons steal their food and their car. Back at home, Peter gets Chris a job at the local golf course to try and teach him to be more responsible. Chris is content to just pick up golf balls, until he discovers that Peter has entered the father-son golf tournament, with Cleveland Jr.!

Discouraged that Peter is focusing all his attention on Cleveland Jr., Chris rebels by hanging out with Quagmire at strip clubs. Ultimately, Cleveland Jr. abandons Peter who recruits Chris at the last minute. However, when they lose, Peter must deal with an angry group of gamblers who put money on Cleveland Jr. Despite all the recent heartache, Chris gives his dad his first paycheck in order to save his butt!

b: 01-Aug-2000 pc: 2ACX16 w: Bobby Bowman d: Scott Wood

# NOTE: Ratings - 4.5/7 This was the last episode of Family Guy to air for almost 11 months. The show was renewed at the 11th hour by Fox, but due to the nature of animated shows most of the writers had taken new jobs. Once a new writing team was hired it would still take at least 8 months to produce another episode. Fans eagerly awaited the third, and what may end up to be ultimately the final season.
# The Little House on the Prarie opening was actually not shown on FOX for the premiere, but restored for FOX reruns. Similar to the opening to Brian in Love.
Season 3

29. The Thin White Line (1)
gs: Haley Joel Osment (Kid in bathroom) Leif Garrett (Himself) Patrick Warburton (Joe) Carlos Alazraqui () Thomas Dekker () June Foray (Rocky) Danny Smith (IV) () Wally Wingert () Carlos Alazraqui (Mr. Weed) Nicole Sullivan (Various)

Brian feels like he's stuck in a rut so he takes his therapist's advice and tries to help others for a change. He ends up a very successful drug-sniffing dog for the Quahog police department, but along the way he gets addicted to cocaine. Peter is disappointed when the Griffin family has to cancel their planned vacation in the Bahamas to help support Brian who is in rehab, but decides to tag along with his dog when he sees the beautiful clinic. A therapist at the clinic tells Brian that Peter is a bad influence on him. Although Brian defends his friend and leaves rehab in protest, the wise dog realizes he does need some time away from the Griffin family and leaves Quahog for parts unknown.

b: 11-Jul-2001 pc: 2ACX17 w: Steve Callaghan d: Glen Hill

# NOTE: We are introduced to Brian's gay cousin Jasper in this episode. A clip shows Brian auditioning for a tv-commercial with a "Toucan" (Follow Your Nose!).
# Ratings - 4.1/7
# The opening credits has the line "Laugh and Cry" rerecorded so people don't keep thinking it's "Eff'n Cry"
# If you notice, when it has the article about Brian in the paper, it looks like confetti's falling all around him But that isn't so. The article next to Brian's says "Scientists Mystified By Paper Rain."
# "A clip shows Brian auditioning for a tv-commercial with a "Toucan" (Follow Your Nose!)." It was Tucan Sam and the comericial was for Fruit Loops
30. Brian Does Hollywood (2)
gs: Ray Liotta (Himself (voice)) Gary Cole (Michael Eisner (voice)) Louise DuArt () Olivia Hack () Kevin Michael Richardson () Danny Smith (IV) () Jenna Jameson (Herself)

Brian is a struggling screenwriter in Hollywood, which really means he's waitering and washing cars. Brian's cousin introduces the lost dog to a local producer who offers Brian a job directing... a porno. Meanwhile, Stewie has a successful audition for Kids Say the Darndest Things, and plots to use hypnotizing glasses on national television to take over the world. The Griffins get a free trip to Los Angeles due to Stewie's TV appearance and come to visit Brian at work. Brian is ashamed of working in porn and tries to hide it from his family, leading them to believe that he's now a stuck-up Hollywood big shot. Brian is miserable when he is nominated for a Woody Award for porn directing and can't share it with his family. Luckily, Brian's cousin calls the Griffins and tells them about the award. Brian's family is there to support him when he wins the Woody, and he realizes that it was a mistake to leave Quahog. Stewie's plot is foiled when Bill Cosby unwittingly uses the young boy's glasses and hypnotizes Stewie into being a complacent kid.

b: 18-Jul-2001 pc: 2ACX20 w: Gary Janetti d: Gavin Dell

# NOTE: Ratings - 3.9/6 Brian's Woody Award has been digitally blurred out, on TV as well as DVD Versions of this episode.
# During the Adult Video Awards, one of the nominees for best original score is named Walter Murphy. Walter Murphy is the composer for the Family Guy, and had a moment of pop stardom in 1976 with the song "A Fifth of Beethoven".
31. Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington
gs: Danny Smith (IV) (Chris Berman, Harrison, John Hinkley, Richie Cunningham's brother, and Sammy Sosa) Alyssa Milano (Herself) Jack Sheldon (Voice of the Bill) Lane Schnaitter ((uncredited) Barbara Mandrell, Jeremy's mom and Natalie Wood) Mike Barker ((uncredited) Dilbert, doctor, Jeremy, and writer #1) Craig Hoffman ((uncredited) mother) Chris Sheridan ((uncredited) passenger, quiz master and security) Greg Garcia ((uncredited) Pat Buchanan) Matt Weitzman ((uncredited) the senator) Gary Cole () Meredith Scott Lynn ()

Peter's toy company gets bought out by the Eldorado cigarette company, and the toys are then used to market cigarettes to children. When Peter, on Lois's advice, confronts his new bosses about their evil use of toys, they promote Peter to president to shut him up. Lois, pleased with all the perks that come with Peter's new position, keeps her mouth shut too, while Brian quits smoking in protest. Peter's bosses send him to Washington to lobby against a bill that would put them out of business, because they figure politicians will be able to relate to a big dumb fat guy. When Lois finds Stewie smoking a cigarette, she goes down to Washington to stop what Peter's doing, and Peter ends up getting his tobacco company fined $100,000,000.

b: 25-Jul-2001 pc: 2ACX11 w: Ricky Blitt d: Brian Hogan

# NOTE: Ratings - 3.9/6 Alyssa Milano and her agent appear "live," not animated.
# Ricky Blitt wrote this episode and also played Joel, Alyssa Milano's agent.
# The original person chosen instead of Alyssa Milano was Barbra Mandrell. FOX decided to have them choose somebody who was more recent that people could relate to this person more, so they chose Alyssa Milano. Unfortunatly, Alyssa'a copy of the script did not change the name so she asked "And I'm playing Barbra Mandrell?"
# Alyssa Milano's agent is played by the episode's writer.
32. One If By Clam, Two If By Sea
gs: Danny Smith (IV) () Patrick Warburton (Joe) Jennifer Tilly (Bonnie) Tara Strong (Little Eliza)

When a hurricane strikes Quohog, everything is destroyed including The Drunken Clam, which is bought out by a Brit who turns it into an English pub. As it happens, pub owner Nigel Pinchley and his family move in next door to the Griffins, and Stewie tries to teach Nigel's Cockney-accented 3-year-old daughter how to speak proper English.

b: 01-Aug-2001 pc: 2ACX19 w: Bobby Bowman , Jim Bernstein, Michael Shipley d: Scott Wood , Dan Povenmire

# NOTE: Originally scheduled to air on July 25, 2000. Ratings - 4.1/6
# In the original airing of this episode, Fox cut out this after the British guy tries to explain cricket to the guys and they are confused. Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that 'fag' means cigarette. Peter: Well, someone tell this cigarette to shut up! This line can be seen on the volume 2 DVD
# In the Tron parody there is a secret message that says "Your TV is upside down if you can read this". The message is indeed upside down.
33. And the Wiener is...
gs: Fairuza Balk (Connie) Danny Smith (IV) () Patrick Duffy (Jack) Debra Wilson (Janet) Patrick Warburton (Joe)

Peter joins a gun club but when he takes Chris on a father-son hunting trip, it takes brains, not brawn, to save them. Meanwhile, Meg finds herself the target of the cool kids' wrath at school.

b: 08-Aug-2001 pc: 2ACX22 w: Mike Barker and Matt Weitzman d: Bert Ring

# NOTE: Ratings - 3.9/6 On American TV, this episode had a warning about sexual innuendo and situations before the opening theme.
# On FOX, this episode had a warning about sexual innuendo and situations before the opening theme. Cartoon Network didn't air this with the FOX-made warning, only the usual warning that they have before Adult Swim shows.
# Correct me if I'm wrong, but the song the band is playing at the football game sounds strikingly familiar to the 80's hit "Electric Avenue."
34. Death Lives
gs: Adam Carolla (Death) Peter Frampton (Himself) Estelle Harris (Death's Mom) Chuck Woolery (himself) William Gallaway (Aquaman, Jr) Norman Alden (Aquaman, Sr.) Wally Wingert (the midget) Lori Alan (Diane)

When Peter sets up a distracting scavenger hunt for Lois so that he can sneak away and play golf on their anniversary, he is struck by lightning. While he hovers in limbo, Death comes to give him a revelation. Through flashbacks of his relationship with Lois, Peter realizes that if he doesn't pay more attention to his beloved wife, she will leave him. At the same time, Peter gives Death dating tips, and gets the grim reaper a date with a girl from a pet store... who turns out to be incredibly boring. Peter gets out of limbo just in time to surprise Lois with Peter Frampton playing "their song" when she arrives to bust him playing golf.

b: 15-Aug-2001 pc: 2ACX21 w: Mike Henry (VI) d: Rob Renzetti

# NOTE: Although Death has already returned to the show in "Wasted Talent" This marks the first time since "Death is a Bitch" that he speaks with Peter. Ratings - 4.2/7
# In actual production order, this is the final episode of Season 3, the supposed end of the series
# In this episode, we learn how Peter met Quagmire and Cleveland. He met Quagmire while in the Navy, and he met Cleveland by hitching a ride to Rhode Island.
35. Lethal Weapons
gs: Michael Chiklis (Bronx Guy #1) Johnny Brennan (Horace, & Bronx Guy #2) Thomas Dekker (Micheal Banks) Peter Gallagher (Jared) D.D. Howard (Katie Couric) Patrick Warburton (Joe) Jennifer Tilly (Bonnie)

Bonnie convinces Lois to join her Tae-Jitsu class and Quahog is invaded by New York "leafers" coming to look at the pretty colored leaves in fall. Lois quickly becomes a black-belt, and Peter uses his new dangerous wife to drive away all the annoying New Yorkers. However, Lois's new-found violent side finds its way into the Griffin household, and after trying counseling, the whole family has an all-out brawl to get it out of their system.

b: 22-Aug-2001 pc: 2ACX18 w: Chris Sheridan d: Brian Hogan

NOTE: Ratings - 4.2/7
36. The Kiss Seen Around the World
gs: Josh Peck (Charlie) Hugh Downs (Himself) Abe Vigoda (Himself) Michael Chiklis (Cartoony Crewman, & Mechanic) Johnny Brennan (Mort Goldman) Nicole Sullivan (Mrs. Goldman) Tara Strong (Beth/classmate/teenage girl) Phil LaMarr (Minister) D.D. Howard (Jane Fonda) Mark Hentemann (Chief McKenzie) Ralph Garman (Dustin Hoffman) Michael Chiklis (Mechanic/cartoony crewman) Gary Cole (Principal Shepherd (voice)) Johnny Brennan (Mr. Goldman/Horace) Mike Barker (Buff guy) Lori Alan (Diane) Lisa Wilhoit (Connie D'Amico/girl)

When Meg, due to her crush on Tom Tucker, the newscaster, applies for an internship at the local television station and gets the job, she is disappointed to find that her news partner is the most reviled nerd in school, Neil. Caught in a life-threatening news situation, Meg laments that she never had a first kiss and agrees to kiss Neil only to find that he taped the whole thing in order to broadcast it across the world. Meg broadcasts her own news that she has no interest in Neil, sending him to the ledge on top of Town Hall. She breaks his fall, only to find out that he had no intention of jumping and was just trying to get her attention again. Stewie's prized new tricycle is stolen by the neighborhood bully, but the bully soon learns not to screw with Stewie.

b: 29-Aug-2001 pc: 3ACX02 w: Mark Hentemann d: Pete Michels

# NOTE: Neil Goldman is the name of one of the writers from Family Guy. Ratings - 4.3/7
# In a fantasy scene, Brian & Peter portray Mr. Peabody & Sherman.
# Meg reveals she is allergic to peanuts.
37. Mr. Saturday Knight
gs: Carlos Alazraqui (Mr. Weed) David Berry (kid #1 and Billy) Fred Tatasciore (Chevy Chase) Jackson Douglas (vacuum repairman) Johnny Brennan (Mafioso and Mort Goldman) Justin Koznar (Kid #2 an Alfalfa) R. Lee Ermey (Coach) Rachael MacFarlane (Barbara, Maid Madeline, and Margot Kidder) Ralph Garman (Gene Rayburn) Will Ferrell (Black Knight) Charles Durning (Francis) Adam Carolla (Death) Jimmy Kimmel (man in suit, renaissance guy, and Death's dog) Tara Strong (Singing Meg) Danny Smith (IV) (Jester) Phil LaMarr (minister, Ollie, and pimp)

Peter's boss dies and the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is destroyed in order to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky Terminal Disease Institute. Out of a job, Peter decides to follow his lifelong dream of becoming a knight with the traveling Renaissance Fair, but when he's caught in a compromising position with the infamous Black Knight's wench, he must defend his family's reputation in an old-fashioned duel.

b: 05-Sep-2001 pc: 3ACX04 w: Steve Callaghan d: Michael Dante DiMartino

# NOTE: Ratings - 4.3/6 The Rodgers and Hammerstein Coorperation allowed So Long, Farewell to be used under 2 conditions: The song is not to be made fun of, and a fart joke later in the episode must be removed (although it wasn't even related to the song).
# Adam Carola plays Death. His co-star on The Man Show, Jimmy Kimmel plays Death's dog.
# features a medieval version of the end credits tune.
38. A Fish Out of Water
gs: Patrick Warburton (Joe) Brian Doyle-Murray (Salty) Danny Smith (IV) ()

Still out of work and now grotesquely overweight, Peter finally decides to find his true calling: fishing. He doesn't have the money to buy a boat so he goes to a police auction and overbids on one. Peter visits a loan shark and unwittingly signs a contract that will put him in debt forever. When Peter finds out about a mythic fish with a price on its head, he realizes that it's his best way of getting all his money back and his now repossessed house and possessions. Peter and the guys set out to catch Daggermouth, the man-eating bluefish. They go out and find the fish, only it turns out to be a robot. He collects the cash and gets everything back.

Meanwhile, Lois tries to cheer up Meg because she wasn't invited anywhere for spring break. Lois takes her to a beach party and Meg gets jealous of all the attention her mom is getting. When it becomes too much to bare, Meg decides to flash all the spring breakers. Lois and Meg consequently get arrested.

b: 19-Sep-2001 pc: 3ACX05 w: Alex Borstein and Mike Henry (VI) d: Bert Ring

# NOTE: Postponed from September 12, 2001 due to the World Trade Center bombing. Then scheduled to air on September 13, and postponed another day for the same reason.
# Rescheduled again for September 14. then postponed until September 19.
# Ratings - 3.9/6
# Starting with this episode, Peter now works as a fisherman.
# The fisherman who built the robotic fish says he's going to get a cartoon deal with Nickelodeon. This is a funny coincidence because he is voiced by Brian Doyle-Murray, who does the voice of the Flying Dutchman on Spongebob Squarepants.
39. Emission Impossible
gs: Majel Barrett (Computer in Stewie's Ship) Wallace Shawn (Bertram) Adam West (Mayor Adam West) Carol Kane (Carol) Shawn Pyfrom (Oliver) D.D. Howard (Mrs. Brady) Gary Cole (Mike Brady/Thug #1 (voice)) David Berry (Bobby) Tara Strong (baby)

Peter and Lois visit Lois' sister Carole who is alone and pregnant since her husband walked out on her. While at the house, Carole goes into labor and Peter is forced to deliver. Overwhelmed by the experience, Peter and Lois decide to have another baby. A shocked and appalled Stewie however, makes it his mission to stop any conception whatsoever.

Through varied attempts and schemes, Stewie is able to avoid any colloidal collisions between Peter and Lois, but when they lock him out of the room, he's forced to go into emergency mode. Stewie shrinks himself down to microscopic size and seeks out his new sibling (sperm-brother) inside Peter's body. Instead of killing his unborn brother, they hit it off - bonding over the desire to destroy Lois. Stewie leaves Peter's body with the new hope that his brother to-be will soon join him in his attempts at world domination.

b: 08-Nov-2001 pc: 3ACX01 w: Dave Collard and Ken Goin d: Peter Shin

# NOTE: This episode out ranked the President's Address to the Nation. Ratings - 3.5/5
# The woman who spoke as Stewie's computer was Majel Barrett-Roddenberry, the wife of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry. She also spoke as the computer voice in the Next Generations Films, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and Star Trek: Voyager.
# Gary Cole voices Mike Brady, whom he played in the two Brady Bunch movies.
# Wallace Shawn (Bertram) and Carol Kane (Carol) both had roles in the classic movie "The Princess Bride". Shawn played Vizzini, and Kane played Valerie.
40. To Love and Die in Dixie
gs: Waylon Jennings (Himself) Brian Dunkleman (Buck Owens) Ralph Garman (Paul Simon, Agent Jenkins and Jeff Foxworthy) Kathleen Wilhoite (Sam) David Berry (Ryan) Danny Smith (IV) (Officer Horowitz and Mr. Stevenson) Jane Lynce (Barbara) Dakota Fanning (8-year old Mother)

When Chris Id's a convenience store robber, his family is placed in the witness protection program and sent down to the Deep South for their own protection. There, Chris befriends a boy named Sam. When the town puts on a reenactment of the Civil War, reinventing history by having the South come away victorious, Peter questions the truth and the town turns against him. Because of Peter's "slander," Sam's father forbids Sam from seeing Chris. Upset, Sam kisses Chris on the mouth. Although flattered, Chris tells Sam that he's doesn't like him in a physical sense.

Back in Quahog, A FBI agent accidentally tells the convenience store robber the location of the Griffins. At a party in the Deep South, Sam reveals to Chris that he's actually a girl. The robber arrives in the town and is about to kill Chris before the town residents step in and stop the thief.

b: 15-Nov-2001 pc: 3ACX09 w: Steve Callaghan d: Dan Povenmire

# NOTE: Ratings - 3.4/5 Waylon Jenning's last role before he died.
# This episode was voted the best episode of Family Guy during the Adult Swim marathon.

41. Screwed The Pooch
gs: Bob Barker (Himself) Bob Barker (Himself) Patrick Warburton (Joe) Phil LaMarr (doctor, judge, lawyer) Don Lafontaine (Fox announcer) Ralph Garman (motel clerk, veterinarian and Ted Turner) Johnny Brennan (Mort Goldman) Gary Cole (Michael Eisner (voice)) Mr. Six (Himself)

Brian admits to Peter and Lois that he has had a lot of sexual yearnings lately. Lois suggests that Brian join them on their visit to the Pewterschmidts for a change of scenery. In the meantime, Peter is determined to pick up the Pewterschmidt culture. Peter starts to impress Mr. Pewterschmidt, but all is for naught when he accidentally unties a knot while sailing.

When Brian sees Mr. Pewterschmidt's dog, Sea Breeze, he loses it and attacks her. The doctor informs them that Sea Breeze is okay, but is pregnant. When Mr. Pewterschmidt refuses to let Brian near Sea Breeze or her litter, Brian sues Mr. Pewterschmidt for custody of the puppies, but only if he gets neutered. While Brian is in one room ready to be neutered, Sea Breeze is in another about to give birth. Just as Brian is about to neutered, Lois rushes in to save him and tells him that Sea Breeze gave birth to another breed and thus saving Brian from fatherhood.

b: 29-Nov-2001 pc: 3ACX08 w: Dave Collard and Ken Goin d: Pete Michels

# NOTE: Ratings - 3.1/5 The FOX version didn't air the part (before the opening credits) where the Griffins were at the zoo. Cartoon Network's version and the DVD version air this in its entirety.
42. Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?
gs: John Riggi (Dennis Miller) Meredith Scott Lynn (girl) Kevin Michael Richardson (league member #2 and black professor) Rachael MacFarlane (Jill, woman, animatronic wife and animatronic Irish woman) Phil LaMarr (Donald, chapter president, rapper and black comedian) Chris Cox (George W. Bush) Wayne Collins (basketball player and league member) Danny Smith (IV) (announcer, scientist #2 and leper) Tara Strong (Cindi)

Chris gets a new job as the water boy for the basketball team. After being around the black players, Chris becomes a super-cool black dude in a white person's body. Cleveland takes Chris to learn about his own Irish heritage at a museum. Chris later visits a library to look up his genealogy and is elated to discover that a black man (Nate Griffin) was part of his family. Peter tries to embrace his black culture by visiting a black theatre and club, but he doesn't get it. When Lois' parents visit, it is revealed that the Pewterschmidts' ancestors owned Nate Griffin. The Pewterschmidts' give Peter money to alleviate their guilt. Soon Peter begins to suffer the discrimination of being black.

While at a basketball game, Peter looks in the mirror and he sees Nate, who shows him that he has been selfish. Peter announces to everyone in the gym that he was a jerk for taking the money. He throws the cash in the air, and everyone scrambles to get their share, showing that all races are unified by greed. Meanwhile, Stewie plots to get rid of the head cheerleader so he can be on top of the pyramid.

b: 06-Dec-2001 pc: 3ACX06 w: Mike Barker and Matt Weitzman d: Scott Wood

# NOTE: Glitch: The closed captions for this episode aired during The Bernie Mac Show on the previous day. Ratings - 2.9/5
# At the end of the episode,during the credits the theme song is sang as a rap.
# In the credits, Peter is the only one singing the Family Guy Theme in rap and also you can hear some of the black people are doing the rap music.
43. Ready, Willing, and Disabled
gs: Danny Smith (IV) (evil monkey, district attorney and agent) Patrick Warburton (Joe) Adam West (Mayor Adam West) Tony Danza (Joe in T.V. movie) Valerie Bertinelli (Bonnie in T.V. movie) Alex Rocco (Angel and Bea Arthur as Peter in T.V. movie)

When Joe loses a thief in a chase, he also loses his self confidence and pride as a police officer. Peter becomes determined to help Joe and offers to train him for the decathlon at the Olympics for handicapped athletes. Peter spikes Joe's drink with steroids and he goes on to win the gold medal and fame. Meanwhile, Stewie, Meg and Chris fight over a money clip and twenty six dollars.

b: 20-Dec-2001 pc: 3ACX07 w: Alex Barnow and Marc Firek d: Andi Klein

# NOTE: Ratings - 3.0/5 We find out in this episode why the Evil Monkey in Chris's closet is evil.
44. A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas
gs: Danny Smith (IV) (Ace Frehely, Asian shopper, Herbie the Elf, Joaquin, kid, old man, Skeeter, Snuggles, and wise man #1) Kiss (Themselves) Patrick Warburton (Joe) Jennifer Tilly (Bonnie) Matt Weitzman (Matt Weitzman (uncredited) as shopper #1, sniper and soldier) Gary Janetti ((uncredited) as Godzilla and wise man #3) Garrett Donovan ((uncredited) as dream Santa) Craig Hoffman ((uncredited) as announcer, mall Santa and papa)

Lois loves the holiday season and is excited about decorating the house, opening presents and introducing Stewie to Santa Claus. Stewie, on the other hand, is completely paranoid about this fat man in a red suit who can somehow maintain 24-hour surveillance on all the world's children!

Peter, sent to drop off one gift to Toys for Toddlers, accidentally gives all the family's presents to the charity. When he and Lois hit the mall to rebuy everything - they are caught up in the last-minute shopping madness. Lois and Peter are completely frazzled, but Lois clings desperately to the hope that they can still have wonderful Christmas. That hope is dashed, however, when they arrive home to find Brian, the house and the Christmas turkey burned to a crisp. Lois finally snaps and goes on quest to snatch the star from atop the city's huge Christmas tree. Only Stewie's motivational speech as the baby jesus (and a tranquilizer gun) can bring Lois back down to earth.

b: 21-Dec-2001 pc: 2ACX03 w: Danny Smith (IV) d: Brian Hogan

# NOTE: Ratings - 2.8/6 This was the lowest rated episode of the series.
# When Fox reran this episode in 2004, they made an obvious edit to the lines, "I am the Virgin Mary; that's my story and I'm sticking with it! Behold our Savior!" to "I am the Virgin Mary; behold our Savior!" It's obviously not an edit for time because of the fairly visible pause of repeated frames to cover it.
45. Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows
gs: Jane Lynch (Dotty Campbell (voice)) Patrick Warburton (Joe) Adam West (Mayor Adam West) A.J. Benza (Host)

When Brian is arrested for drunk driving, he's forced to do community service, which consists of helping Peggy, a middle-aged, agoraphobic, bitter woman. Brian gets so fed up with her insanity, that he storms out of her house. Later, Brian watches a television documentary that reveals Peggy's past as a top advertising jingle singer of the 1950s and 60s. Brian warms up to her, realizing where her pain comes from, and eventually she warms up to him too. He convinces Peggy to actually go outside, but she gets by a bus. While on her deathbed, Brian and Peggy share a fantasy intimate moment, but as they are about to kiss, she dies.

Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard and learns that a swallow has nested inside it. He wants to shave it off but can't when he finds out the bird is an endangered species. Peter eventually grows attached to the bird and starts feeling maternal. Lois is finally able to convince Peter to let the bird fly away and also teaches Brian about moving on with his life after Peggy's death.

b: 17-Jan-2002 pc: 3ACX03 w: Allison Adler d: Dan Povenmire

# NOTE: Ratings: 3.4/5 While this was not the SOURCE of the episode's material, CBC Radio One ran a segment on its show As it Happens about a man named Grant Griffen who's apartment in Florida was overrun with bats that he could not have exterminated or removed because they were endangered. This story ran June 27, 2002, long after this episode was ever written or aired, but it sure is a cute bit of irony that a man with nearly the same name has a real life problem like this.
# Episode won an Emmy for its musical number.
# During the musical number on the FOX version, one of the tarot cards was changed from George W. Bush to Jerry Springer. Also the World Trade Center towers were digitally removed after 9/11 (the same reason why the George W. Bush tarot card was changed to Jerry Springer). Both of these deleted parts have been shown on Cartoon Network.
# In the Canadian version of this ep the infamous taort card shows GW Bush drinking out of a beer bong so: US FOX VERSION: Tarot Card is The Jerry Springer Show CANADA(and possibly UK): Card is GW BUSH
46. From Method to Madness
gs: Chris Cox (Mark and Jeff Campbell) Fred Willard (Dave Campbell) Mark Paredes (Pasqual) Denis Martell (Santos) Rachael MacFarlane (Olivia and ballerina) Jane Lynch (Dotty Campbell/Ballet Teacher (voice)) Ralph Garman (Bernie)

When Brian expresses his interest in theatre, Lois tells him to try out for the Quahog School of Performing Arts. During the audition, Brian turns in a mediocre performance and is dismissed by the judges. Stewie, determined to get Brian a second chance, throws a melodramatic fit. The teachers, impressed with Stewie's theatrics, enroll him in the rising stars program. Stewie doesn't realize he is struggling at the school until he overhears his teachers discussing how he and Olivia, the school's most promising but overly haughty student. will be asked to leave if they don't shine in the quarterly review. Stewie tells Olivia that they must put on the performance of a lifetime or they'll get kicked out, and their routine is a hit. Stewie and Olivia become fast friends, but the harmony ends when competition, pressure and fast-fame set in. Olivia walks off the stage mid-routine, leaving Stewie to finish the performance. Stewie takes his act solo, but is booed everywhere he goes.

Meanwhile Meg finally gets a boyfriend, a boy from an all-American family. There's only one problem with this family though - they're nudists.

b: 24-Jan-2002 pc: 3ACX11 w: Mike Barker and Matt Weitzman d: Bert Ring

# NOTE: Ratings - 4.0/6 On American TV, this episode had a warning about nudity before the opening theme.
# Stewie mentions that he has upcoming appearances on "Gilmore Girls." Alex Borstein appeared in several episodes and Daniel Palladino is married to the creator of "Gilmore Girls" as well as being an executive producer.
47. Stuck Together, Torn Apart
gs: Jennifer Love Hewitt (Herself) Patrick Warburton (Joe)

Peter's jealousy reaches new heights when he accompanies Lois to the gynecologist. As the doctor prepares to examine Lois, Peter refuses to let him near her. Later, while shopping, Lois runs into an ex-boyfriend, Ross Fishman, who innocently asks her out for coffee. Fearful of Peter over-reacting, Lois sneaks off to meet Ross. At the same time, Joe picks up Peter for a joyride in his new high-tech surveillance van. While parked outside a diner, they see Lois and Ross inside. Using the van's high-tech gadgets, Peter misinterprets Lois and Ross' words. Angered, Peter decides to make Lois jealous by hiring prostitutes to pose as his ex-girlfriends. Realizing their marriage needs help, Lois and Peter see a marriage therapist, who suggests placing video cameras around the house for a week. After viewing the tapes, the therapist recommends that Peter and Lois date other people during a trial separation. Quagmire, hoping to take advantage of Lois' vulnerability, invites her on a date to a restaurant where they run into Peter and his gorgeous date, Jenner Love Hewitt. Lois becomes enraged with jealousy and shoos Peter's date away. They leave together happily.

Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian accidentally super glue themselves together at the store. They have to wait a week before the solvent arrives in the mail. While stuck together, they actually begin to like one another. Of course, things return to normal the moment they're released from their glued prison.

b: 31-Jan-2002 pc: 3ACX10 w: Mark Hentemann d: Michael Dante DiMartino

# NOTE: Ratings - 4.0/6 The marriage councelor wanted to put cameras in the Griffin's house. This already happened in the episode "Fifteen Minutes of Shame".
48. Road to Europe
gs: Lauren Graham (Mother Maggie (voice)) Kiss (Themselves) Andy Dick (Himself) Jane Lynch (Dotty Campbell (voice)) Michael McKean (Pengrove Pig)

Stewie is addicted to the British hot children's show "Jolly Farm Review" based on Mother Maggie, a benevolent figure who looks after kids on a farm. Brian makes fun of Stewie for watching the show, but Stewie is determined to visit Jolly Farm in England because he thinks he belongs there. He stows away on a British Airways jet, which he assumes is headed for London. Brian tries to drag Stewie off the plane, but before he can, the plane takes off. When the plane lands, they discover that they are in Saudi Arabia are stranded in the middle of a desert with no passports or resources to get out. As luck would have it, Brian and Stewie encounter a Comfort Inn in the middle of nowhere and manage to steal a hot-air balloon to fly home, but the contraption falls apart over Italy, just as the Pope is about to address the masses. Brian wants to head home, but Stewie insists on finding the Jolly Farm in England. When they finally get to England, Stewie runs onto the set of the show. His fantasy is crushed when he encounters only a set full of props and disgruntled people, including Mother Maggie. Brian shows Stewie Charles Dickens' modest house and points out that Dickens was able to rise out of poverty to accomplish great things and Stewie will be able to achieve success even though he feels stifled at the Griffin house.

Meanwhile, Lois and Peter travel to KISS-stock, where Lois embarrasses herself because she doesn't know the lyrics to a KISS song. She redeems herself though when it's revealed that she once hooked up with band leader Gene Simmons!

b: 07-Feb-2002 pc: 3ACX13 d: Dan Povenmire

# NOTE: The opening credits are much like the ones in "Road to Rhode Island" which are a take off of old 40's movies. Ratings - 3.9/6
# On the US DVD this episode is called "Road to Europe"
49. Family Guy Viewer Mail #1
gs: Alex Trebek (Himself) Adam Carolla (Death) Patrick Warburton (Joe) Adam West (Mayor Adam West) Regis Philbin (Himself) Kelly Ripa (Herself) Bill Goldberg (Angry Bus Passenger)

In a special three-story episode, Brian reads viewer mail and tries to answer profound questions:


"Li'l Griffins"

The Griffins as the little rascals. Kid versions of Peter, Joe, and Brian decide that they don't need girls. When they first meet Lois however, they quickly abandon their anti-girl sentiment. In school, Lois reads a book touting the virtues of bravery, and Peter and Quagmire try to prove who's the bravest by staying in a haunted house overnight.

"No Bones About it"

Peter rubs a beer bottle and a Genie pops out to grant him three wishes. Peter first wishes that Jackie Gleason wasn't dead. A zombie-like Gleason terrorizes the Griffins until Stewie blasts it dead. Peter then wishes he didn't have any bones. The Genie transforms him into a gelatin blob and he can no longer have sex. Upset, Peter flushes himself down the toilet and winds up in Hollywood. He meets a doctor who tells him about a re-boning procedure. Peter gets the operation, which turns out came from bones donated from his own family.

"Super Griffins"

A tanker truck containing radioactive waste slams into the Griffin house. The radiation affects each Griffin in a different way. Lois gains super strength while Peter has morphing ability. Lois tells her family that they must not abuse their powers. Of course that doesn't work and the town is forced to hold a meeting to see how to stop the Griffins from wreaking havoc. Adam West realizes he must fight fire with fire. He volunteers to roll around in toxic waste but he only gets lymphoma as a result. The Griffins, racked with guilt, use their powers to make Adam's recovery more comfortable.

b: 14-Feb-2002 pc: 3ACX12 w: Gene Laufenberg , Seth MacFarlane, Michael Shipley & Jim Bernstein d: Scott Wood

# NOTE: Ratings - 4.3/7 The theme music that plays for Peter while he's ridin' on the bus has been used in the show before, most notably in 2x20 Wasted Talent (see if you can spot where)
50. When You Wish Upon a Weinstein
gs: Mike Barker () Andrea Beutner () Ricky Blitt () Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi) Ed McMahon (Himself) Peter Riegert () Mary Scheer () Ben Stein (Rabbi Goldberg) Nicole Sullivan () Wally Wingert ()

The day that Peter buys volcano insurance is the day that Lois becomes fed up with their constant money problems. When Peter wishes for a Jewish "money guy" to help them, Max Weinstein comes to the rescue. After meeting Max, Peter decides Chris could be successful if he converted to Judaism as soon as possible, but the plans for a "quickie" bar mitzvah in Las Vegas are quickly foiled by Lois.

b: 10-Dec-2004 pc: 2ACX05 w: Ricky Blitt d: Dan Povenmire

# NOTE: This episode will be on the Season 2 DVD and video being released in the UK in January 2003 This episode first aired in the U.S. on August 6, 2003 on Cartoon Network.
# This episode has aired on Cartoon Network with one edit: During Peter's "I Need A Jew" song, the line "Even though they killed our Lord" was changed to "I don't think they killed our Lord". The Family Guy DVD has both the original line and the alternate line, but CN was asked to use the alternate.
# Adult Swim ratings - 710,000 adults 18-34
# In the TBS version, the alternate lyric is sung while the closed-captioning displays the original.
# When FOX showed this Episode on December 10th 2004 The Scene where Lois asks Quagmire for his keys was edited so it doesnt imply quagmire is pleasuring himself .
# When FOX showed this episode on December 10th 2004, they also used the alternate line of Peter's "I Need A Jew" song (the "I don't think they killed my Lord" line as opposed to the "Even though they killed my Lord" line).
# Fox Ratings: 3.3/6
Season 4

51. North by North Quahog
gs: Drew Barrymore (Teacher)

Drew Barrymore guest-voices as a sexy teacher who tries to get Chris to kill her husband.

b: 01-May-2005 pc: 4ACX01 w: Alex Borstein

# NOTE: The fourth season may be all linked together to form the much talked about Family Guy Movie. This episode will be part one in a three episode story arc.
# This episode's script was written by Alex Borstein.
# Due to stong DVD sales the show was brought back for a fourth season.

52. Fast Times at Buddy Cianci High



pc: 4ACX02 w: Ken Goin

NOTE: The title makes a reference to the 1982 comedy Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
53. Don't Make Me Over



pc: 4ACX03
54. Blind Ambition
gs: Hunter Gomez (Little Dutch Boy)



pc: 4ACX04
55. Stewie B. Goode (1)
gs: Rory Thost (Various Voices)



pc: 4ACX05

NOTE: The title of this episode is derived from the song "Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry.
56. Bango Was His Name Oh (2)



pc: 4ACX06
57. Stu & Stewie's Excellent Adventure (3)



pc: 4ACX07
58. The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire



pc: 4ACX08
59. Petarded



pc: 4ACX09
60. Brian the Bachelor



pc: 4ACX10 w: Mark Hentemann
61. 8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter



pc: 4ACX11
62. Breaking Out Is Hard to Do



pc: 4ACX12
63. Model Misbehavior
gs: Hunter Gomez (Werthers Grandson)



pc: 4ACX13

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