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Pope - No one embarrasses the Pope and gets away with it [Looks up at the sky], SMITE THEM!

(waits for a few seconds)

Pope - He's cooking up a something good!
Quote Rating: 7.1 outta 10 - Vote Now!

I.R.S. Representative:Well sir, I'm afraid that your not qualified for a tax refund.
Peter:AAAHHHHH... ohh sorry, i still haven't gotten over the loss of party of five.
I.R.S.: Well as I was saying you are not getting a tax refund.
Peter:AAAHHHHHH... oh Party of Five. What were you saying?
IRS: You're not intitled for a tax refund.
Peter: AAHHHHH!
IRS: Was that for Party of Five again?
Peter: No, that was for my tax refund! What the hell is Party of Five!?
Quote Rating: 8.2 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Peter: Look at this, Lois, see right here [points in book], I was voted most likely to succeed!
Lois: Peter, that's not you. That's not even a yearbook, it's a People magazine.
Peter: Oh, I wondered why they had the wrong picture and name.
Quote Rating: 8.5 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Peter: I'm not afraid of anything, I laugh in the face of Death. See HAHAHAHA.
Death: Oh great! Thanks a lot. As if it wasnt already hard enough to fit in.
Quote Rating: 8.1 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(spanish): Que?
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Lois: Peter, why would they make you presidesnt?
Peter: Maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second - RARF!
Lois: Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
Quote Rating: 9.0 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Brian: Oh my god. They ate Tricia Takanawa.
Peter: Why? They're just gonna get hungry again in an hour.
Quote Rating: 7.7 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Peter: Lois, I'm gonna grow a beard.
Lois: Peter, you know I hate beards ...
Peter: No no Lois, it's time I joined the ranks of great men with beards. Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular? Cause ... cause of all the magic tricks?
Quote Rating: 8.6 outta 10 - Vote Now!

Peter as the household of the Griffin family is one of the most typical males imaginable. He's fat, loves Pawtucket Beer, and is always there for some good physical comedy. Peter used to work at a toy factory and now we're just not sure what he does...

Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 1003 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?
Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.
Quote Rating: 9.4 outta 10 (Over 1231 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 1690 votes) - Vote Now!

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm alergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 897 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 1056 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 524 votes) - Vote Now!

Vacuum repairman: There you go, all fixed. Turns out a half-eaten meatball was clogging up the intake.
Peter: Oh. Well, did you save it?
Vacuum repairman: Uh, no.
Peter: You bastard.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 450 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 465 votes) - Vote Now!Peter: Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
Brian: You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
Peter: Yeah.
Brian: No, they've never done that.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 464 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 401 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 385 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter: Lois, um, go get the medical dictionary and look up "fork" and "lung."
Lois: Why?
Peter: Time is a factor, Lois.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 265 votes) - Vote Now!

Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious thanksgiving dinner.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 359 votes) - Vote Now!

Peter (to Meg): Remember that pony you wanted when you were 6? Well I've been waitin for a time like this.
(opens closet door and a skeleton of a pony is there)
Peter: Oh, oh god, that's right ponies, ponies like food.
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 310 votes) - Vote Now!

Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?
Quote Rating: 9.2 outta 10 (Over 473 votes) - Vote Now!

How many talking babies do you know bent on world domination and matricide? We'd rather only know one, Stewie Griffin. From week to week he's always try to kill Lois, fighting with Brian, and deal with his homosexuality.

Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 761 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 586 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 1277 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 600 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle i find, i shall KILL you.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 1051 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 1035 votes) - Vote Now!

Stewie: Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 429 votes) - Vote Now!

Olivia: You are the weakest link, goodbye. (laughter)
Stewie: Ha ha ha! Oh gosh that's funny! That's really funny! Do you write your own material? Do you? Because that is so fresh. You are the weakest link goodbye. You know, I've, I've never heard anyone make that joke before. Hmm. You're the first. I've never heard anyone reference, reference that outside the program before. Because that's what she says on the show right? Isn't it? You are the weakest link goodbye. And, and yet you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. God what a clever, smart girl you must be, to come up with a joke like that all by yourself. That's so fresh too. Any, any Titanic jokes you want to throw at me too as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity. God you're so funny!
Quote Rating: 9.3 outta 10 (Over 1247 votes) - Vote Now!